Freaky Friday
by strawberrymacchiato
Summary: She was the flawless head cheerleader, blonde and beautiful, and all the boys wanted her. Rachel always wondered what it would feel like to be her, until one day—she got her wish. Crack!Fic.
1. Chapter 1

She watched, from behind the cracks through the bleachers, how the entire squad seemed to bow down before her. The control she had over them was sickening, and she nodded matter of factly when they broke out into a light jog around the gigantic oval.

"Hey Quinn."

As if on queue, a brawny teen with tousled brown hair appeared by her side, blushing awkwardly. The cheerleader looked him up and down skeptically, and her lips curved into a confident smirk.

"Finn Hudson. I told you already that there aren't any places left on the squad."

He fumbled awkwardly with the helmet in his hand. Pathetic, she thought as she watched this predictable interaction take place before her for the millionth time.

"But, Rachel said if I practised enough, then you might consider me."

Quinn's smirk grew wider, and the girl hiding behind the bleachers facepalmed. It was obvious that Finn wanted to join the cheerios for reasons other than doing somersaults in the air.

"Berry said that? What makes you think I'm gonna listen to what the dwarf has to say?"

Rachel was furious. She hated it when she called her that. And honestly, last time she checked, 157cm was pretty tall for a dwarf.

"Please?"

God. He was growing more annoying by the second. Rachel held onto every last bit of restraint she had so she wouldn't go out there and slap him right there and then on the face. Hard.

Quinn stepped closer, her hazel eyes glistening mischievously.

"Alright Hudson, meet me at Breadstix tonight. We can...discuss your little proposition."

Finn's face lit up and he let out a happy sigh. Rachel groaned.

"What time?"

Quinn was already walking away, spinning on her heels as she disappeared from the crowd.

"8pm sharp. Don't be late, or the deal's off."

And that, was what Rachel Berry hated about Quinn Fabray the most. The way she reduced boys twice the size of her to putty, her ability to make them fawn all over her, when all she did was give them attitude. Rachel wondered, like the millions of times she'd wondered before, what it would feel like to have that kind of power and dominion over someone else, even if it was for just one day.

"Berry."

Rachel's heart sped up at the mention of her name. The voice was cold, ruthless, and coloured with the faintest trace of a Spanish accent.

"Spying on Q again, are we?"

Rachel turned slowly to see Santana Lopez facing her with a sneer, one hand placed defiantly on her hip.

"As a matter of fact, I was observing the pitiful phenomenon known as puppy love, which Finn Hudson was kind enough to demonstrate once again."

Santana looked at her as if she had just devoured a can of worms and enjoyed it.

"Whatever. Have fun being a freak."

Rachel breathed out with relief when she left her alone. Thank God for her ability to use dull and verbose sentences that repelled people from her like she was the plague. If anyone ever found out how obsessed she had become with the blonde cheerleader, she'd never hear the end of it.

She walked home, and collapsed on the sofa in exhaustion when she finally got inside.

"Tough day, Rach?"

Rachel's face nodded into the pillow, but she didn't bother to look up and see her father's face.

"I understand, high school's like that. What with all the homework, and clubs and activities, fitting in..."

Rachel's mind trailed off and all of a sudden, she was picturing Quinn at Breadstix, bending over the table and popping a grape into Finn's mouth. She shivered with disgust.

"...delicious for vegan cookies so I saved you a couple. I don't know if I believe all that stuff though...anyway, I'll leave them here on the table, ok? See you later, honey."

Hiram pressed his lips against her head softly before he exited the room, and made his way out the front door. He had mentioned something about 'vegan cookies' and them being 'delicious', but Rachel had blanked out for the majority of her Daddy's little spiel. It probably wasn't that important anyway. She flicked on the TV and immediately switched the channel to her favourite one, which was dedicated to Broadway classics. Surely this would be able to put her out of her misery.

About half an hour in, her cell phone buzzed, and she ignored it, maintaining her concentration on Barbra Streisand. _Damn_, was she a brilliant singer.

Ten minutes later, and there was another buzz. Rachel frowned, and put the volume up a few notches. _No one_ was going to interrupt _Memory_.

Another ten minutes passed, and this time her phone was ringing loudly. Rachel sighed, defeated, and pulled it out of her bag. This had better be important, she thought.

"Rachel?"

She frowned again. What was Finn calling her for? He was supposed to be going out to have sordid rendezvous with the dictator.

"Rachel, I'm so glad you picked up. I don't know what I would have done without you. I'm so nervous I can't think properly...I'm meant to be going out later with Quinn but I've never really been on a-well, you know."

"Date?"

Rachel said, exasperated. She was missing out on _Cats_ because of _this._

"Um, yeah, and I'm just not sure it's a good idea anymore."

"Nonsense Finn, of course it's a good idea. You congregate at Breadstix at eight o'clock, wine and dine the tyran-Quinn, and then you could even offer to drive her home at the end of the evening."

"Really?"

Rachel felt beads of sweat trickling down her face. And people thought _she _was annoying.

"Yes, really. You'll be the perfect gentleman."

She heard him sigh in relief on the other end.

"Thanks, Rach. You're a lifesaver."

"Not a problem."

"Hey wait, how did you know we were going to Breadstix at eight?"

She ended the call abruptly, making sure to switch off her phone so she could watch the rest of _Cats_ in peace.

Barbra's eyes shone beautifully in the luminous stage light, and Rachel felt her heart flutter. One day, she'd be on that stage, wowing thousands of people just like her. She was deep in thought, wondering how on earth the costume designers had managed to fit dear Barbra into such a tight leather suit when the home phone began to ring.

Obviously, Rachel wasn't meant to have a quiet evening alone. She walked into the kitchen, and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?"

She drawled.

"Hi Rachel, it's me again. I don't think I can do it after all."

Barbra _save_ me! Rachel screamed silently away from the phone before she spoke again.

"Alright Finn. I understand you are experiencing what is referred to as 'cold feet' in regards to your plan to engage in merry activities with Quinn, but why don't you just call her and cancel?"

"I can't, everyone on the team would laugh at me."

"How about a raincheck then?"

"Can't do that either, it's already too late."

Rachel glanced at her wristwatch. It was already 7:45pm.

"She's probably on her way now, she still has time to drive back home."

"No Rach, it's too late because she's already _there. _She's waiting for me."

Rachel rolled her eyes. Where was he going with all of this?

"Well, can't you just ask Puck or somebody else to go instead? I'm sure she'd be ok with that."

"They're all too busy."

Rachel was surprised, genuinely surprised to hear that Puck out of all people would be too busy to take up an opportunity like this.

"So I was wondering...could you go?"

Rachel froze and almost dropped the receiver onto the floor.

"You want me to go out on a date with Quinn?"

Finn mumbled uncomfortably.

"No, it wouldn't be like that, but I'd just feel bad for letting her down, you know?"

"Finn! She's my arch enemy, she slushies me like it's going out of style and hurls abuse at me on a daily basis and you think I actually want to have _dinner _with her?"

"Come on Rach, it's just one dinner! Please say yes, just do it for me."

Rachel grumbled loudly and muttered something about how Barbra would never have to put up with any of this nonsense.

"Alright Finn, I'll do this for you because I'm such a good friend."

"Yay!"

"Under one condition."

"Anything."

"You give me your next solo in glee club."

Rachel tapped her fingers anxiously on the bench. If he didn't agree to that then nothing else would convince her to go and ingest nutrients with that snake._  
_

"Consider it done."

"Well then. I suppose I'll go and freshen up, or whatever it is you're supposed to do when going out to have a late night munch."

"You're a lifesaver."

Rachel shut the phone impatiently, and proceeded to the bathroom upstairs to comb her hair and inspect it for any globs of left-over slushie particles. When she looked decent enough, she headed back down the stairs and was about to exit from the door, when she noticed them.

There on the table, were the two cookies her father had left behind earlier. She walked over and picked them up, analysing them curiously as she held them between her fingers. They looked remotely like those fortune cookies you got in Chinese restaurants, but Hiram had said they were vegan, so they couldn't be fortune cookies. Rachel plopped them into her pocket, because they probably wouldn't have anything vegan at Breadstix apart from salad. And quite frankly, she was getting tired of eating every single variety of lettuce known to man.

It took her exactly ten minutes to arrive there, and she managed to spot Quinn from an outside window. She even looked smug when she was sitting down to eat, Rachel thought angriliy.

She pushed open the door, and entered the restaurant, praying that this ordeal would be over quickly.

Quinn stood up with confusion painted all over her face as she noticed Rachel approaching. Rachel ignored it and slumped down in the seat opposite her, and folded her arms.

"Got a problem?"

Quinn blushed and looked away for a moment, before composing herself and returning her gaze to Rachel.

"Where's Finn?"

She demanded unconvincingly.

"Something came up and he asked me to step in."

"He asked you to come on a...date? With me?"

What was wrong with her? She kept staring back at Rachel with shining eyes, she almost looked _happy._

"Yes, Quinn. He asked me to go on a _date _with you_."  
_

Rachel was that tired of having to justify everything that she decided she would just settle for the sarcasm that Quinn seemed to love so dearly. Maybe if she was annoying enough, the evening would end right there and then.

"I see..."

Quinn said slowly, as she sat back down and began fidgeting with the menu.

"Well then, in that case, I think we should order something to eat."

Rachel gaped at her in shock.

"But judging from the types of food they have here," She said as her eyes scanned the entrees and the mains carefully, "I highly doubt they'd have anything vegan here."

Rachel could feel her pulse quickening. She was absolutely furious. Not only had Quinn somehow managed to contain her revulsion for her, but she was pretending to sit down and actually _enjoy _this horrific experience. This dat-whatever it was._  
_

Two can play at that game, Rachel thought, as she picked up her own menu.

"Actually, I've never asked about whether they can do a risotto without the cream sauce. Would you find it overly pedantic if I asked the waiter to arrange something like that?"

There. Quinn was buckling at the seams and any second now she would explode in anger. She was red, and Rachel could see it all over her face. _Win._

"What a great suggestion, Berry. It's not exactly fair for you to keep eating garden salads all the time. I think I'll order a vegetarian lasagna."

Rachel clenched her teeth. This cheerio was one damn good competitor.

"I'll be right back."

Rachel said, with the best fake-smile she could muster. She emptied out her pockets, leaving her phone and the cookies on the table before she went off to ask the waiter about having a plain risotto.

"Excuse me, could I please make an enquiry?"

A tall chef with a slim build poked up behind from the bench and stood there towering over Rachel, who stepped back uncertainly.

"Berry, what a surprise seeing you here."

"Coach Sylvester?"

"Don't say my name like you've just discovered rats in your pantry, Berry. I do part time work here in addition to coaching the cheerleading squad. Now, did you come to order something or to just stand there and gape at me stupidly?"

Rachel stuttered before speaking up again.

"Uh...could I please have a vegetarian lasagna? And I was wondering whether you could make me a risotto without the cream sauce."

"And miss out on all that deliciously fatty, creamy, dairy goodness? I think we can arrange for that. You better go and sit back down, I think your date is playing with your cookies."

"Oh no, Quinn and I aren't on a..."

Rachel snapped her head around to see Quinn breaking apart one of the cookies and nibbling on one half. She felt herself burning up in heat and she clenched her fists in rage.

"If you'll excuse me."

She said to Sylvester, before she returned to the table.

"Quinn. You couldn't wait for me to make an order before _attacking _one of my cookies without permission!?"

Quinn ducked her head shyly, but kept on chewing.

"Sorry...I was just curious. And besides, they're really good! Have you tried one yet?"

Rachel cast her eyes over the remaining half of the cookie and noticed a thin piece of paper rolled up inside the shell. She watched as Quinn swallowed happily, and reached out to pluck the miniature scroll, and unravel it slowly. Her eyes widened as she drew her face closer towards it.

"What does it say?"

Rachel said, intrigued, momentarily forgetting her anger. Quinn cleared her throat professionally before she spoke in an ominous tone.

"A journey soon begins, its prize reflected in another's eyes. When what you see is what you lack, then selfless love will change you back."

Quinn grinned up at her, her eyes shining with that same strange happiness as before.

"Interesting, right? What does yours say?"

Rachel lifted up the remaining cookie in her fingers, and cracked it open with her teeth. It couldn't be that delici-

Holy crap, this cookie was AWESOME. She almost gulped it down all in one go, but remembered that she had to read the scroll inside of it. She unravelled it excitedly, wondering what her message would be, but frowned the instant she opened it.

"It's the same as yours."

Rachel leaned back in her seat, and shook her head. Why was she getting upset over something so trivial? It was just a cookie, for crying out loud.

There was a quiet rumbling erupting around them, and Rachel watched the waiter approaching them with difficulty, trying hard not to drop their meals onto the floor.

"I-I think we're h-having an earthqu-quake."

Quinn said shakily, as she gripped tightly to the surface of the table. But in just a brief moment, the earthquake died down and their meals landed on the table before them, piping hot.

"One vegetarian lasagna and one plain risotto for two lovely ladies."

The waiter winked, and he turned around to go. Quinn's face seemed to be getting redder by the minute, and by now Rachel was thoroughly confused. If she was angry as she was, she certainly didn't look it.

"Quinn, are you sick?"

"N-No, I'm just fine, Rachel. Are you ready to begin?"

Rachel kept scrutinising her face, looking for slight changes in her expression that would betray her cold interior and prove the point that Quinn Fabray was nothing more than a heartless, manipulative, sadisti-

"Wait, what did you just call me?"

"God bless this food we are about to receive."

Quinn said, and clasped her hands together to pray quietly before she picked up her knife and fork to begin eating. Rachel shoveled huge mouthfuls of her (unexpectedly delicious) risotto down her throat, not even bothering to chew the rice properly before swallowing it. There was definitely something fishy going on around here. Maybe this was why Finn was so nervous about going out with Quinn. She was probably this weird, overly religious prude who enjoyed going out to operas and fancy ballroom parties. There were one million better ways she could have spent her Friday evening than to go out with someone like that, but she had made a promise to Finn, and she had to stick it out. And at least the night would be over soon, Rachel reminded herself, smiling as she swallowed the last mouthful and she picked up her phone.

"Thank you Quinn, that was a lovely dinner, I'll just go and pay for our meals an-"

"Oh no, don't be silly Rachel. You came in Finn's place, so it'd be my pleasure."

Rachel's face contorted in confusion, but Quinn just smiled and headed over to the counter and withdrew a few notes from her purse. She was wearing, Rachel finally noticed, a white floral dress that emphasised her perfectly lean figure, and her beautiful golden hair swished across her shoulders as she smiled to the person behind the cash register.

Beautiful golden hair?

Rachel grabbed the untouched glass of water on their table and splashed it over her face.

"Rachel?"

Quinn sounded puzzled, and her eyes trailed up and down Rachel's face, then across to her wet hair.

"I'd better get going. I'm not feeling so well."

"Can I drive you home?"

Quinn said, as she held the door open for Rachel to go through. Rachel stared at her stupendously.

"Ok. It's been nice playing this little game with you, Quinn, but I'm getting a bit freaked out now. First, you treat me exceptionally nice, then you call me by my first name, and now you're offering to drive me home. Is everything alright upstairs? You didn't order a bad lasagna, did you?"

Quinn frowned slightly.

"What makes you think it's a game, Rachel?"

There, that was more like it.

"Well, I don't think you'd want my 'manhands' all over your car seat. Who knows, I might even infect them with my dwarf genes."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was how you got under Quinn Fabray's skin. Rachel turned triumphantly to go, but she felt her body stiffen when a smooth hand grasped her own.

"Your hands are lovely, Rachel."

Quinn said, as she easily dragged her towards her car.

It must have been the shock of the false-compliment (which had sounded scarily genuine) that caused Rachel to blank out and not be able to come up with any witty replies. She entered the passengers seat wordlessly, and stared out the window as Quinn drove her home. She pulled the car to a halt just outside her house, and Rachel opened the door to leave as quickly as her legs could carry her.

"Rachel, wait."

Quinn's voice was low, and carried some strange tenderness to it that made Rachel's heart flutter the same way Barbra did. The next thing she knew, Quinn's hand was on her cheek, pulling her face around, and she was pressing her lips against her own.

For a moment Rachel lost herself completely, and it felt dizzying and wonderful and-

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

Rachel pulled back, eyes wide.

"What I've wanted to do for a very long time, Rachel Berry."

Rachel looked at her in amazement, and felt a flurry of emotions surge through her. She didn't have feelings for Quinn! Quinn hated her, and she hated her back.

"Quinn," Rachel said as sternly as she could, "I understand that your lasagna may have affected you in such a way that you are going through a bout of temporary insanity, and as such, I am willing to forgive your transgressi-"

Quinn cut her off by pressing her lips over her own once more, deepening it this time, and Rachel was losing her control.

"QUINN FABRAY!"

Rachel stepped outside of the vehicle, huffing, and smoothing out her clothing. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Quinn, I don't know what's come over you, but I'd recommend that you visit the doctor as soon as possible. I believe with just the right dose of paracetamol, your fever will diminish in all but a few days."

Rachel glowered at her, but _she_ was smiling. She was _smiling! _

"Ok, Rachel," She said as she winked at her, "See you at school."

Rachel stood there, stunned, as she watched the car drive off.

That was simultaneously one of the most unexpected and one of the most horrifying experiences of her life.

And it was horrifying, because she had actually _enjoyed _it._  
_

Somewhere along the line, she had forgotten about the fact that Finn was supposed to have gone out with the dictator, and she had ended up playing right along with her little games, and fallen into her trap at the end.

But _damn_ was she a good kisser.

Rachel slapped herself this time to make up for the lack of water.

"She despises you, and you despise her."

She kept on repeating the words to herself like a mantra as she unlocked the door and went upstairs to her room. Luckily her dads weren't back yet so they wouldn't have to put up with her chanting under the covers. There was a sudden buzzing coming from her phone, so she pulled it out to see who it was.

**Hey Rach, it's me. Just wondering how your 'date' went:P**

Rachel's eyebrows formed into a frown as she typed out her reply.

**I hate her.**

She punched the send button pointedly, unloading all her frustration.

**Really? I thought you like wanted to be her or something. Isn't that why you always spy on her from behind the bleachers?**

Rachel sighed in frustration. Sometimes she wished that Santana was right when she had accused Finn of having the memory of a goldfish.

**Why would I want to be a pompous blonde cheerleader? And besides, I do _not _spy on her! Goodnight!**

She switched off her phone and closed her eyes, willing herself to fall asleep and forget about all the ridiculous things that had happened to her today.

She was walking through the corridors at school, and instead of everyone making disgusted faces at her, jumping out of the way in case they accidentally touched her and caught the geek disease, they were gazing at her with admiration.

Rachel smiled. At last she was getting the recognition she deserved.

She was hard-working enough. She was a pretty damn good singer. Why shouldn't people give her respect like that?

"Q, don't forget we've got practice for an extra hour today. That psycho Sylvester had an argument with Schue and she said it was _our _fault. Go figure."

Rachel was confused now, because it seemed that Santana was talking to her. She shook her head and kept walking, until she bumped into Finn.

"Oh um, hi Quinn. I'm really sorry about our date the other night. Could I make it up to you?"

Rachel stared at him incredulously, and flipped her head to the side and continued along the hall. Why did everyone keep referring to her as Quinn?

And then before her, she saw a petite brunette girl, carrying a ton of books, wearing a familiar argyle sweater.

"Please don't slushie me, Quinn. I just washed this glorious sweater last night and I would really appreciate it if you don't spoil something that I paid so much for."

Now Rachel was getting scared. She wasn't Quinn. She was Rachel, Rachel Barbra Berry, daughter of Hiram and Leroy Berry, Barbra Streisand enthusiast second to none-

She felt herself straining to open her eyes, and realised that she was in bed. She had been dreaming.

Rachel breathed out a sigh of relief as she sprang out from under the covers, which looked unusually dark in this lighting. Judging from the light seeping in from the window, it was probably breakfast time, and boy was she beginning to get hungry.

She stepped over to her mirror, and reached out for a comb to brush her thick, unruly hair.

Strange, she hadn't seen this comb before.

She examined it closely, noting the crimson handle and the extra-fine bristles that would probably break under the strain of combing her hair. She shrugged and began to comb through it anyway, and felt it glide through easily, unexpectedly smooth. She must have been having a good-hair day. Her hair even looked lighter for some reason.

Rachel's eyes trailed down to her shoulders, then her arms, which looked lean and firm.

She frowned. Since when did she have a body like a cheerleader?

At that moment, every single fibre of Rachel's body froze.

With trembling fingers, she picked up a lock of hair, which was undoubtedly golden, and not brown, as she had assumed before.

She looked down at the flower-patterned pyjamas that dressed her body, something that she'd never wear in a million years.

And then, finally, she slowly peeked up at her reflection in the mirror.

Staring back at her was a girl with long blonde hair, and sparkling hazel eyes.

"DADDY!"


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel blinked her now very hazel eyes a few times, and pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming again.

"OW!"

This was definitely real.

Somehow, she had entered Quinn's body (_God _that sounded so wrong) and had gotten stuck inside of it.

Had she possessed her?

No, Rachel wasn't a demon!

She glanced around her room-_Quinn's _room-in a panic.

There were photos of the cheerios cradled within ornate chestnut frames, and some photos of Quinn and her parents, and-to Rachel's surprise-a photo of her from glee club.

Why would Quinn have a photo of her? She _loathed _her. Rachel shook her head in confusion.

She was about to exit from the bedroom and take her chances downstairs, but then, an idea hit her.

A _brilliant _idea.

She was in Quinn Fabray's _house. _And not only was she in Quinn Fabray's house, but she was in her _body. _This was the _perfect _opportunity for some good old sabotage. Rachel grinned evilly, and stepped back inside the room, detective mode fully activated.

She edged toward's Quinn's closet, and turned the key slowly. Looking inside someone's belongings like this was very, very wrong, and probably morally devoid. But Rachel justified it under the pretext that she wasn't really herself. Well, she wasn't if she was in Quinn's body, right?

Unsurprisingly, the interior was filled with clothing.

A plaid shirt here, a leather bike jacket there, even a few wifebeaters.

Goodness, Quinn sure had strange taste in fashion, Rachel thought absentmindedly.

She closed the door, uninterested.

Hopefully she'd find something more gossip-worthy in the desk drawers.

The first drawer was filled with chewing gum, pencils and...posters of Melissa Etheridge.

That was a surprise. Quinn liked strange music too. But it _still _wasn't juicy enough.

The second drawer contained more surprises, which ranged from bobbins to thumbtacks to needles to cat themed embroidery kits. So she was a cat person. Big deal.

It wasn't until the final drawer that Rachel's eyes grew impossibly wider and her grin became crazy.

Tucked beneath a stack of books dedicated to women's rights in the 1970's, was a rainbow-coloured sketchpad. Rachel couldn't suppress her glee as she lifted it out like it was a freshly baked vegan pie in the oven, and fell back onto the bed excitedly.

She turned the first page and the crazy grin on her face disappeared.

Thick, dark curvy lines were shaped into hair, and there was charcoal that had been smoothed over countless times to create the perfect face tone. Coal black eyes gazed up at her intensely, burning with passion. Looking at the drawing was like looking at her reflection-it was the perfect replica of Rachel.

She flipped the page and gulped, half in awe at Quinn's obviously skilled hands, and half in...

Another picture of Rachel. This time, singing in glee. It was the day she decided to a be a bit of a rebel and wear that Britney Spears outfit her Dads had bought her as a joke. Except the skirt was a _lot _shorter, which was quite unnecessary in Rachel's opinion, because girls today could really be just as attractive without exposing themselves like that.

She turned the page again, entranced now.

Rachel, sitting on a swing in the park.

Rachel, dancing at a fancy ballroom party.

Rachel, drinking a cup of coffee at the Lima Bean.

Rachel, making a sandcastle at the beach.

Rachel wearing nothing at all.

She shut the book, face flushed.

She had assumed that it had been Puck who had somehow crept into the girls' bathroom and executed those...graphic works of art. Evidently not. The style was distinctive, and quite impossible to forget once you'd seen it.

For a girl who went out of her way to be so mean to her, Quinn sure seemed to be thinking of her a lot.

Well, all artists are a bit eccentric, Rachel thought. The girl was probably just using her as a muse. All the greats had muses.

Nervously, she lifted the book open again, pressing the page with the uncensored view of her body down resolutely, and smoothed out the creases so it wouldn't be damaged.

"Rachel Barbarian Berry, will you let me be your neanderthal?"

Rachel's eyes were bulging now, struggling to remain in their sockets. Quinn probably had a thing for all things stone-age.

"Your wooden club is so divine, hit me baby one more time."

Ok, Rachel didn't know what to make of that. She didn't own a club. And she was most certainly _not _a barbarian. Granted the folks back then _were _a lot shorter in stature, but Quinn didn't think she was a savage, did she? Was this her idea of poetry?

Perhaps Finn would be able to help translate these enigmas. On second thought, he probably wouldn't.

Rachel thought furiously. The second line was obviously a reference to the song of the same name, but the first?

Quinn was up to something. She was up to something and Rachel was going to figure it out.

She began to pace up and down the room determinedly, staring hard at the words before her in the sketchpad.

"Quinnie, keep it down! Your mother and I are trying to sleep!"

Rachel clenched her teeth, remembering that she was not in her own house, and that she wasn't really Rachel. She softened her steps and noted the time-what lazy people, sleeping in past 6:30 on a Saturday morning! She would have been half way through her work out right now had she been home.

Back to the detective work, she scolded herself.

First and foremost, Quinn had odd taste in clothing and music. Rachel scoffed. And she accused _her _of dressing poorly! Now she knew why Quinn had joined the cheerios, to disguise that fact that she couldn't pick a good clothing combination if her life depended on it!

Secondly, she owned posters of female singers Rachel had only heard of through her dads' friends. She also owned a few books on women's rights, which looked rather tedious if Rachel was being honest._  
_

And thirdly, Quinn had in her possession a sketchbook filled with drawings of herself, Rachel Berry, in a...variety of poses, accompanied with some mysterious poetry with her as the subject, yet again. She _hated_ her, and yet she was dedicating so much of her spare time to her, so she must have been venting out her frustrations about something...

Rachel's head snapped up, and she smiled triumphantly.

This could all only mean one thing.

Quinn was a feminist.

She bounded up and down happily at having discovered the answer until Quinn's parents yelled loudly again.

"QUINNIE! IF YOU DON'T BE QUIET YOU'RE NOT GETTING BACON FOR A WHOLE WEEK!"

Rachel scolded herself again for getting carried away in the moment, and breathed out slowly to calm herself down.

Why hadn't she noticed it before?

Quinn had created the C_elibacy club _for heaven's sake, and every time Finn got too close to Rachel Quinn always told him to back off. She was just trying to protect her from his oafish advances! Then somewhere along the line and much to Rachel's relief, Finn had developed a crush on Quinn. Also somewhere further along the line, Rachel had become annoyed that yet again, Quinn was the one wrapping a boy around her little finger just because she could. Just because she was hot.

Rachel shook her head. Quinn wasn't hot. She was an arrogant twit who had kissed her senseless last night.

"ARGH!"

She cried out loud in frustration and ignored Quinn's parents, who were yelling at her with more conviction this time.

Were all feminists so...mesmerising? Rachel knew she shouldn't be thinking along these lines but the visuals just wouldn't stop coming. This time, she was imagining Quinn leaning over the table, popping a grape into her mouth instead of Finn's. Quinn smiled before she leaned in closer, and kissed her softly.

"Rachel Berry, there is _definitely _something wrong with you."

Perhaps being in Quinn's body had side effects, and they involved sharing thoughts. Had she thought about kissing girls too? Feminists felt strongly about everything pertaining to women's rights, so she probably had.

Wait.

If Rachel was in Quinn's body, then were was Quinn?

Beads of sweat began to form on her forehead, and she could feel the anxiety swelling inside of her.

Logic would dictate that, if Rachel was in Quinn's body...then Quinn was in Rachel's.

"HOLY CRAP!"

Rachel screamed silently, because who knows what a _feminist _like Quinn Fabray would _do _in her body! She could be doing all sorts of things with it, like getting a tattoo of "We can do it!" on her arm. Or getting a radical multi-coloured haircut. Or burning all her argyle sweaters! Now _that, _she could _never _allow.

"That's it, I'm going over to my house to confirm my suspicions."

She said out loud. But first, she had to get changed.

"Oh dear."

She sighed at her clothing options, and reluctantly pulled out a pair of faded skinny jeans with one of Quinn's plaid shirts and a wifebeater, tossing them onto the bed. Wearing another girl's bra would be just a _tad_ weird, but Rachel searched anyway, only she couldn't find any.

Well, a cheerleader who didn't own a bra. That must have hurt.

"Do _not _think of that, Rachel. You are going to go to your house and demand that she-if she is indeed there-end this thoughtless prank and kindly _return _you to your body so you can continue living your life _normally_."_  
_

She dressed herself and headed downstairs and out the front door.

Judging by the neighbourhood, Quinn seemed to live in a pretty nice area. But Rachel didn't have time for assessing real-estate now, she was kind of desperate to get on any damn bus that came her way.

Soon enough, she spotted one turning around the corner.

"Excuse me! Wait! Please, slow down!"

The bus driver turned his head around slowly and frowned. He seemed like the sort who hated waiting for late passengers and never felt sorry for pregnant women because they were just hindrances to other passengers. She _hated _those sorts of drivers. To her surprise, he pulled over and allowed her to board.

"Where'll you be going, miss?"

He was looking at her strangely. A pervy _and _rude bus driver. Today must have been her lucky day._  
_

"Um...does this bus go to Merrifield street?"

Now he was winking at her.

"Sure does, take a seat."

Rachel suddenly realised that she hadn't brought any money with her, and was about to apologise profusely when the man just waved it off.

"Don't worry about it, it's just the next suburb up."

She nodded and sat down at one of the seats in the front.

Throughout the journey, the man kept glancing back at her, and at one point, he asked her about whether she knew about some upcoming Teacon and Sarah concert.

"I'm sorry, I don't believe I've heard of that band before."

The man just smiled, and Rachel stared at him in bewilderment.

Soon they were arriving at her street, and Rachel sighed gratefully.

"Thank you very much, sir. I'm very grateful for the free trip."

He nodded with that same knowing smile as before and drove off. Weirdo.

She jogged down her street, eliciting a few strange looks from a few people who were mowing their lawns. Rachel had fogotten that she was in _Quinn's _body now, and she realised that this was how Quinn must have felt all the time. She was probably used to masses of secret admirers checking her out like this. No wonder she had become a feminist!

Rachel finally reached her front door, and was about to knock when she heard laughter.

_Her _laughter.

That scoundrel was laughing with her unassuming fathers, too innocent to understand that the girl in the kitchen with them right now was anything _but_ their daughter. She pressed the doorbell angrily. She would worry about explanations later on.

"Oh I'll go get it, Daddy."

_Daddy? _She was calling her fathers by their pet-names?

Rachel huffed impatiently, and bared her teeth, indignant.

"Hello, who is it?"

The door opened slowly, and Rachel was finally face to face with her. The low-life who had done this.

"Give it back!"

Quinn's eyes widened with surprise when Rachel gripped her arms tightly, but soon she broke out into a smile.

"Give _what _back?"

"My _body. _Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, Quinn."

But Quinn wasn't listening. She was inspecting her clothing, and nodding appreciatively.

"I see you like my style, Rach." She said, leaning closer, and running her finger along her cheek. "You look cute. But not as cute as me."

Now Rachel was mad. And not the ordinary kind of mad. The psychotic mad that happens when you want to punch the wall down and build it again with a D.I.Y kit just so you can knock it down again.

She had called her _Rach, _something only her dads had ever called her, and she had just lovingly stroked her face.

"Listen here and stop violating my skin cells. Do not assume that I actually find your clothing pleasing in any way, and how _dare _you imply that I'm not cute!"

Quinn smirked.

"So you'd prefer sexy then?"

Rachel blushed and stammered before she got out the words.

"I don't know how you did this, but you're going to reverse it. It's only decent and-" Rachel sniffed the air wafting out the door. "What on _earth _is that smell?"

"That? It's just bacon, we were in the middle of breakfast before you decided to dro-"

Rachel's face turned white.

"W-What?"

"We were just having some bacon. Breakfast? You know that thing you have when you wake up in the morning?"

Rachel's train of thought became clouded, and she prayed that Quinn hadn't just said what she thought she'd said. But looking over her shoulder, she could see both Hiram and Leroy happily munching away on those poor animal carcasses that had undoubtedly been factory farmed.

"_We? _You ate some of it too?"

"Of course! I told them I felt like having a break from being vegan for one day. They were all for it!"

Quinn was grinning now, but Rachel was becoming more frenzied by the minute.

"YOU DID WHAT!"

Rachel looped her hands around her (very soft) neck tightly and began-semi strangling her.

"Vegans don't just 'have a break' when they 'feel' like it! It's a long-life commitment to ensure that we are responsible for as little harm to animals as possible, and in the process we are cleansing our bodies from all the antibiotics and hormones that are injected into all the poor souls at those slaughterhouses! It's about love, and caring for our fellow brothers, and you just ate an entire slab of everything I am against!"

Quinn just smirked at her.

"You know, you could have told me you wanted me in _way_ less words than that, Rach."


	3. Chapter 3

Rachel stared back at the girl who had yanked her body from her with two emotions.

One, was absolute indignation. She had abducted her fathers and on top of that, ingested ANIMAL PRODUCTS, which were probably sliding down the walls of her intestines right this second. Just picturing it made Rachel want to puke.

The other, was this strange surge of jealousy at how _spunky_ she looked.

Oh _no _Rachel, you can't be serious. Your own body is turning you on?

Angrily, she brushed past Quinn and made a beeline straight towards her dads.

"Excuse me, good sirs, but what exactly do you think you're doing?"

Geez, even her voice had this sultry flavoured husk to it, and she really shouldn't have smiled at how sexy it sounded.

"Good morning, mademoiselle. I don't believe we've met before?"

Suddenly there was a warm hand squeezing her shoulder tightly.

"This is my special friend, Quinn Fabray. We've been going ou-"

Rachel's eyes bulged and she thrust her hand over Quinn's mouth. Leroy looked at Rachel blankly, then at Quinn, then back at Rachel.

"Wait a sec, Rach," He said as he shovelled a long crispy strip of mouthwateringly soft and succulent bacon into his mouth, "This isn't the same Quinn you have a crush on, is it?"

Now it was Quinn whose eyes widened. Well, Quinn in Rachel's body. The real Rachel was losing her marbles.

"I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON HER!"

Leroy looked at her, a puzzled expression colouring his face this time.

"Well darling, I wasn't suggesting that _you _had feelings for Rachy-wachy but, given your vehement outburst, perhaps you do indeed harbour some unspoken attraction?"

Rachel buried her face into her palm. Could they _honestly _not see that _she _was their daughter?

"Wouldn't that be fabulous Rachel!"

Hiram piped up, as he sculled the remainder of his coffee enthusiastically, and wrapped a strip of bacon round his finger, sizing it up greedily before he swallowed it down in one gulp.

"Why yes, I believe it would." The fake-Rachel responded, grinning from ear to ear.

Now she was going to kill her. Nice and slow.

Rachel cleared her throat loudly and gripped Quinn's hand tight.

"Er, if you don't mind, Mr and Mr. Berry, _Rachel _and I have some important matters to discuss regarding a particular...matter, that matters very much to the both of us. Isn't that right, _Rachel?_"

She glared at her, that stupid, annoying, shapeshifting stealer of fathers and corrupter of vegan principles worldwide.

"Well babe," She started, quite nonchalantly, "I don't know why we can't discuss 'the matter' right here and now. I mean, does it matter that your dads are here? They may as well find out we're dating sooner than later."

Rachel's brain exploded like a coal mine full of TNT.

BABE!?

_DATING!_

Rachel let out a scream, but disguised it as the crescendo for 'O Holy Night'. She coughed audibly, and glanced down at their linked hands. This really wasn't helping.

"Sorry, I just had that sudden urge one gets to randomly burst out into song."

Hiram and Leroy stopped eating momentarily, but resumed gorging on the slaughtered corpses, and nodded understandingly. Just not to her.

"Glad to hear you've finally accepted your true feelings, Rachy-wachy. It was so painful for us to watch you fawn all over the girl and not realise that your irritation was just misdirected passion. Cheers to new beginnings!"

And they clinked their empty coffee cups together happily.

Rachel felt like she was going to burst again. She pulled Quinn away up the stairs and turned around at the last second.

"Stop consuming our brothers and sisters! That 'meal' is a poor lost soul who was massacred for our benefit, and for goodness _sakes _Daddy, that is PORK!"

Quinn pulled her up the rest of the stairs, halting her rant midway, and shut the door when they reached her bedroom.

"Whoa Rach, you almost blew it there."

Rachel stormed over and poked Quinn angrily.

"_I _almost _'blew' _it? Listen here, Fabray."

"Oooh, surnames. I like it."

"Y-You...YOU!" She huffed.

"Me?"

Quinn said, leaning closer so their breaths mixed and Rachel's head started to swim.

"What about me, Rachy-wachy? Do you really have a..._crush _on me? You know, I wouldn't mind if you did."

Goodness, how did she ever not realise how seductive her _own _voice sounded when used in the correct manner? She wiped the sweat from her forehead and ignored her beating heart.

"Number one, don't call me...that name. Number two,_ Fabray_, you are a low-life impostor who has soiled my body and violated my religious beliefs by dining on the human concoction that is known to the masses as 'bacon', a pathological _liar _who presents herself as my..._girlfriend, _in front of my fathers, no less, without even bothering to question my sexuality beforehan-"

"Don't need to, babe."

She said with a wink.

Rachel growled loudly at Quinn's cocky grin.

"A-And not to mention, the executor of graphic images that happened to feature me! In _all _of them!"

"You...saw those?"

Suddenly, Quinn's face was pale and her bravado was gone. Rachel smirked.

"Yes, Fabray, as a matter of fact, I did."

She saw Quinn step back, her gaze falling to the floor. Excellent, she was _so _winning this right now.

"You weren't supposed to see those."

She said, barely above a whisper.

Rachel closed the gap, feeling emboldened by Quinn's retreat, and placed her hand on her shoulder. She felt in control, all powerful, and she _liked _it. She liked being Quinn. Wait no she didn't, she hated her.

"Well, whether or not I was _supposed _to see them is irrelevant. And seeing as I have done the deed, it can't be undone. _And,_" She said, gazing deeper into those intricate hazel eyes, "I know your little secret."

Quinn gulped.

"You mean-"

"Oh yes, I've finally figured you out. The _celibacy _club? You calling me names all the time, yet whenever Finn tried to get too close you warding him off like he was a swarm of locusts?"

"Rachel wait-"

"Nope, I'm on a roll, Fabray. I saw those posters of Melinda Beverage you had in your drawers-"

"Rachel-"

"And those old and hundred-times read tomes on women's rights?" She pressed on, ignoring the rude interruptions, "Your taste in fashion is impossibly bad, and that's why you joined the cheerios. Your closet is full of wife beaters, and plaid shirts. You do cat embroidery in your spare time, to make it look like you're just like every other teenage girl, like you're normal...but I know what you are."

Quinn stared straight at her, her expression neutral, strained.

"Then say it...out loud. Say it."

Rachel paused for a moment and waited for the silent drum-roll to end inside her head.

"Feminist."

Quinn's body bent over double and suddenly she had burst out laughing.

Laughing? How was this funny? She had just discovered her deepest, darkest secret, which was quite serious in Rachel's view, and she didn't seem to give a hoot.

Rachel was confused.

"What's so funny, Fabray?"

Quinn's eyes met hers and they were sparkling excitedly. She edged closer and Rachel could feel her head grow faint. This wasn't supposed to be making her excited too.

"You know Rach," She said smoothly, "I think this whole body-swap thing is turning out _much _better than I expected."

Now she was fiddling with the collar of the purple turtle pyjamas she wore, _her _turtle pyjamas that her dads had bought her for Hanukkah last year, and seconds later she had angled her head inward and was licking her body.

"STOP DEFLOWERING MY SHOULDER, _FEMINISTA!_"

But Quinn was grinning like crazy.

"Like what you see, huh?"

And before Rachel could think of a way to remove this _pest _from her room, Quinn had pulled their lips together in a sloppy, hot wet kiss that completely threw her off the rails.

Rachel pulled away reluctantly (that was _not _a good sign), gasping for air, and tried to wipe the taste of bacon from her lips.

"Listen, F-Fabray, I'm giving you an ultimatum. I hope feminists do those, because if you don't comply, the consequences will be quite severe. I'll personally guarantee that."

Quinn stood back and folded her arms expectantly. Good, she was being serious for once.

"Alright. I demand that you return me to my body this instant. If you don't, I'll..."

"Mmhmm, go on."

She nodded, smiling at her creepily.

"I-I'll..." Rachel struggled to come up with an appropriate punishment for the ruffian that had dressed in her favourite pyjamas.

"I'll make you go vegan!"

Quinn's smile disappeared.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, but I would."

Quinn sighed in frustration.

"Can't do that, Rach. Bacon is like a drug to me-it's like my own personal brand of-"

"Well, change me _back _then!"

"I-I can't," And she seemed genuine now. Feminists must make for good actresses, Rachel thought briefly. "I don't know how I got into your body either."

Rachel peered deeply into her eyes and dammit, she wasn't even flinching. This had to be the truth.

"Then, how did this happen? I didn't do anything out of the ordinary yesterday..."

Quinn flopped down carelessly onto her bed and began scratching her head.

"Why don't you list everything you did in order?"

"Good idea, feminista."

Rachel said, nodding in agreement while flopping down next to her.

"Please, call me Quinn. I know you want to."

Rachel ignored her obvious attempt at seduction which was working all too well, and began to think hard.

Well, yesterday. She had woken up and eaten breakfast-scrambled tofu. God she loved that stuff. And Hiram had stopped burning it now that he was actually reading out of a recipe book!

Then she had gone to school, and breezed through pretty much every single class until the end of the day, when Finn had cornered her. Lately, he had been dying to ask Quinn out and Rachel was in that awkward position of having to give advice to her best friend. She wondered why it sickened her so much that, yet _again__, _a boy was going ga-ga over that pitiful, slimy, condescending...

A soft finger began to play with the strands of her hair.

"Wow, your hair smells so good."

Rachel stared at her, wide eyed.

"Um, excuse me, Quinn, but I was just in the process of recalling all of my activities yesterday, so if you would kindly stop distracting me..."

Quinn nodded.

"Of course, my apologies." But she could see the smile behind her eyes. One that was plotting wicked schemes.

Rachel looked away, and returned to yesterday afternoon, when she had finally convinced Finn to go and ask that brute to engage in unnecessary frivolities after school. She had promised to go straight home, but her body had other ideas. It, like it had so many times before, jogged down stealthily behind the bleachers so she could watch the predictable show unfold. She could see Finn playing with his helmet awkwardly. _Boys. _If she was there, she'd have shown Quinn a thing or two.

Now she could feel Quinn's hand stroking her cheek, and the next second she was kissing it softly.

"Mmmm..." She breathed into Rachel's ear.

"F-Fabray-"

"Quinn." She corrected.

"Quinn," Rachel said, swallowing down the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat, "I explicitly asked you to refrain from such actions, did I not? If you weren't already aware, I was attempting to figure out how to get ourselves back into our original bodies."

"Don't wanna." Quinn said, as she moved onto Rachel's other cheek, and kept kissing closer and closer to her lips. She had somehow slid her hands around her waist and now she was pushing Rachel down onto her pillows, pillows that matched perfectly with her turtle pyjamas.

"Qui-" Rachel gasped, as she felt Quinn's lips cover hers fully, and then she was kissing her back, feeling how soft and velvet-like Quinn's lips felt pressed against hers. She kept rationalising that this was how feminists rolled, and how she wasn't one, but for some reason she was enjoying it anyway-

Wait Stop.

She gently disentangled herself from Quinn's grip, and pretended she didn't see the glazed look in her eyes.

"Quinn, I understand that this is how feminists spend their free time and express their affections towards persons of the same gender, but let me assure you, I am not inclined to follow such radical political movements."

She sat up, this time not bothering to stop Quinn when she began playing with her hair. Again. Besides, it felt nice.

Anyway, she had gone home and was in the middle of watching _Cats _when Finn, who was acting all flustered and anxious about his dumb date, decided to call her and interrupt her few precious moments of bliss. Then she had (stupidly) agreed to go _for _him, and had ended up having a...rather nice evening actually. She had gone to sleep as usual, but in the morning...

The third time Quinn pulled her in she felt her eyes flutter shut like it was the most natural thing on earth, and her hands slid all over Quinn's shoulders and pulled her closer. Kissing her felt so damn good! Maybe this was what all the guys fell for. She did have fabulous technique, far better than the mirror at least, that Rachel had practiced with from time to time. God it made her so mad, that someone could make her breathless just by doing what Quinn was doing to her. She hated it, because she had begun to feel sparks, sparks caused by a daddy-kidnapper who had deflowered her shoulder, and they felt just like electricity surging between them. She pulled away abruptly and quite out of breath when she realised two very important things.

Firstly, she couldn't let her guard down. For all she knew, this was some feminist conspiracy and Quinn was the head of a secret underground party that was just recruiting new members. Who knew how low she would stoop? And even _if _Rachel maybe _didn't_ hate her as much as she thought-in fact-even if she was actually starting to _like _her in some weird way, she'd never admit it.

Secondly, she had remembered something quite crucial.

''Quinn! I've got it!'' She screamed into her face excitedly.

''Noo Rach, can't it wait till later?''

''The biscuits we ate! The biscuits! Do you still have your message?''

Quinn looked at her with confusion, but Rachel was already leaping off the bed to rummage through her bag and see if she could find the note. There, scrunched up underneath a pencil with a treble clef tacked onto the end of it, was the note. She unravelled it and read it over and over, pacing up and down the room.

''A journey soon begins, its prize reflected in another's eyes. When what you see is what you lack, then selfless love will change you back."

Selfless love will change you back? Could a biscuit really make people swap bodies like that? It couldn't be true. And what on earth did it mean by 'selfless love'? That was only for the people on _Days of our Lives._

"You don't think that the biscuits are magical, do you?" She asked Quinn, perfectly serious. But she just guffawed, and Rachel frowned.

"I would really appreciate it if you went and asked _my _fathers where they purchased these from. I think we've got some travelling to do, Quinn."

Quinn squealed loudly and bounded towards the door, screaming that she'd love to 'travelling' anywhere as long as it involved Rachel. Rachel sighed, and waited for the pest to return.

She gazed at the messy dent in the bed sheets Quinn had left, and smoothed it out carefully with her hand. There was a faint aroma of lavender, and Rachel pulled the sheets closer to try and breathe in the scent better.

It smelt of Quinn. It smelt so warm and delicious and-

"They said they got it from a little place in Chinatow-"

Rachel jumped off the bed immediately and straightened up, slipping her professional mask on once again.

"If you don't mind me asking, Rachy-wachy, just _what _were you doing?"

"Talk is cheap, Fabray. Cheap. Now, you said they purchased the biscuits from Chinatown?"

Quinn nodded, allowing Rachel to seize her hand and lead her down the stairs.

"Maybe we can stop for a bite? You know, lots of Chinese places do vegan."

Rachel hid her smile behind an irritated expression and walked hand in hand with Quinn outside the house and out the front door, ignoring her dads when they warned them not to get too 'physical' tonight.

* * *

Chinatown was busier than Rachel expected. She had only come here a few times, and that was when Sue had asked her to buy a calligraphy set so she could paint unflattering cartoons of Mr. Schue and post them on facebook. But nighttime was a whole different ballgame. People on motorbikes zoomed past without looking, cars beeped loudly and the blinding lights flashed in their faces so frequently Rachel could barely see the signs.

"There, I see it!"

Quinn had located a small dingy shop near some dumpsters that read 'One size fits all grocery'.

Well, that was a strange name indeed. What on earth had possessed her dads to go shopping in a place like _that? _It must have been the only place that sold vegan products. They were quite rare around these parts, she reasoned. She pushed the door open, feeling the stuffy air slap her on the face as she entered. There was an unattended counter and a gold little bell on top of it, and it was eerily quiet. All except for some classical violin playing away in the background.

"Is that them?"

Quinn was pointing to a small package with large Chinese lettering on it. There were pictures of cookies on it, and they looked pretty much exactly like the ones her and Quinn had eaten last night.

"Don't touch that!"

Quinn jumped and hooped her arms around Rachel, holding her tightly.

A man with thin glasses and shiny eyes regarded them curiously, before picking up the box and examining it himself.

"Oh, sorry, I thought you touching dragon eggs. They hatch when disturb."

Somehow his accent made it all the more eerie. _Dragon Eggs?_ What the heck _was _this place, a portal into Hogwarts?

Rachel pulled away from Quinn, whose hands had somehow slid _way _too low down her back, and extended the note out to the man.

"Excuse me, but I was wondering if you could help us with something."

He stepped closer and plucked the paper from her hand, gazing at the note with eyes that just kept growing shinier.

"Ah, you buy special vegan fortune cookie, very good cookie. If lucky very good. But if unlucky fortune, then very very bad. Disaster."

Rachel heard herself gulp heavily.

"Um, is that a bad fortune?"

Now the man looked between the two of them curiously.

"You two eat cookie and read fortune out loud?"

Rachel nodded, and she watched as the man began to shake his head. She was hoping he _wouldn't _do that.

"This terrible disaster. You wake up in different body?"

Rachel nodded again and hoped the man would offer her some consolation.

"How do we reverse it?"

"Very difficult. Must fall in love with someone. But must be real love. Must be 'selfless', like say here." And he gestured towards the note.

Fall in love with someone? Rachel had never accomplished that in her life, and with the way she was going, the only person who she could ever fall for was probably someone who had the prowess of Barbra Streisand.

"Fall in love? Can I pick someone to fall in love with?"

The man shook his head, but he was directing his attention to Quinn now.

"One more thing. This very important. What fortune you get?"

Something inside Rachel was stirring, some really uncomfortable feeling that kept bubbling closer to the surface. It was almost like she _knew _that something was wrong.

"The same one she got. Why's that important?"

Suddenly the man burst out into roaring laughter and placed each of his hands on their shoulders.

"Important because, same fortune mean must fall in love with each other."

Quinn's mouth was agape, but quickly turned into a big grin.

"Well I don't think that should be too much trouble seeing as I'm just waiting for Rachy-wachy to love me back."

Rachel on the other hand, let out a loud, piercing scream.

"BARRRRRRBRA!"


	4. Chapter 4

I lick my lips as I stare at her mouth, and I have to hold on to the couch to stop myself from pinning her to the floor and smothering her with kisses. My breaths have become laboured, and she thinks I haven't been listening to a word she said. I grin.

''Repeat what I just said, Quinn!''

She's so cute when she pouts like that! And it turns out I'm that morally devoid that I don't mind the fact she's in _my _body strutting around her cuteness like that. Yep. I _like _her in my body.

''Goodmorning, fellow classmates! What a splendid day it is today! Seeing as I am your glee captain, I'd like to propose that we all select power ballads from the 1980s to sing for nationals!''

I gaze down at her neck, making a biting gesture towards her. She coughs loudly.

''V-Very good, what about when you speak to Santana and Brittany?''

She's been quizzing me like this for the past two hours. And on a Sunday_ Morning. _From _6am _on a Sunday _Morning_. Apparently 'getting into character' for when we'll be at school tomorrow is 'crucial'. Leave it to Rachel to be overprepared. I groan.

''Hello Santana, Brittany. I'd appreciate it if you abstained from slushying me today since I'm having an extremely busy week and I simply cannot afford to clean up stains on my clothing.''

Hmm. Maybe she couldn't afford it, but I could. Suddenly my mind is flooded with images of Rachel trying to wash off purple globs of ice from her sweater, but then I'm there, pulling the hideous thing off and flinging it to the floor, and I press against her body gently and whisper, ''You look better without it'', and then my lips are sucking on her neck, trailing upward and she's gasping, ''_Oh, _Q-tie pie!'' and-

''QUINN!''

Whoops, there I go getting sidetracked again.

''Hi Quinn, may I just say that you look absolutely ravishing? Why, I would be delighted if we could engage in a tongue-dancing tournament behind the bleachers on this beautiful summer afternoon!''

I can see the steam puffing out from her ears, and her face is this brilliant shade of crimson. I chuckle quietly.

''I did _not _say that, Quinn!''

Of course she didn't, I just wanted to stir her. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I had developed this intoxicating crush on her. Probably about the same time I realised I was into girls even more than Puck was, which was quite a feat I _must_ say, and that no matter how many shots I did I still couldn't bring myself to kiss him. Or the rest of the football team.

''If you want this to work we have to take things _seriously!_ And until we find _another _way to get out of this mess, I demand that you educate yourself on all things vegan!''

I grumble. She can be such a mood-kill sometimes.

''Now...the church you attend is the one near the supermarket, if I'm not mistaken?''

I nod. Hopefully it wasn't too much of a stretch for her to pray. In a catholic church. With my _parents_.

''Well, wish me luck.''

I smile and wave goodbye as she exits the room and flop down onto her bedcovers. Rachel's bedcovers, _mmmm._

I glance over at her bedside table and notice a book on vegan nutrition with a note on it saying, ''Read Chapters 1 through 10, please! (10 inclusive) RBB''. I pick it up and flip through the pages briefly, noticing something about Vitamin B-12 and the importance of dietary supplements, and then there's a big cartoon of a stupid lettuce leaf saying, ''Be kind to animals! Go green, be clean. Go VEGAN!'' I frown.

What a boring way to spend a Sunday in the Berry's household!

A sly grin covers my face when I notice her phone, which is also on the bedside table, and appears to be switched off. I put the book down and grab the phone instead, switching it on eagerly. Beep.

**Well, maybe you spy on her cos you _like _her?;)**

Well well, what was this? I quickly browse through her conversation, and my eyes widen. I may have just struck gold. My fingers are typing a reply to Finn faster than my brain can complete the sentence.

**You are _absolutely _correct. I simply _cannot _repress my desire for her any longer, she is the most perfect specimen of female anatomy I have ever laid my eyes upon, and just thinking of her in that tight little skirt makes me all hot and sweaty.**

I press send, and grin.

Beep. This should be good.

**What!? Rach, you do know I was kidding right?**

Well, if I was 'Rach' then perhaps that would be true. But I _ain't_.

**Certainly not, I am being perfectly serious, I assure you. Surrender now, Hudson! That blonde seductress is _mine_!**

Beep.

**Uh...Puck?**

Idiot. Since when does Puck use overly annoying, complete messages with unnecessarily complex words in _texts?_

**I fear not, good sir. It _is _me, Rachel _Berry_, but from now on I go by the name of Too hot to _handle_ Berry, because that's what Quinn kept calling me last night. Bye bye now!3 **

There. That should do it. I smile, pleased with myself as I switch the phone off again, knowing that Rachel will kill me when she gets back from church. And boy am I looking forward to _that._

''Rach honey, it's breakfast time!''

My smile widens. I can already smell the bacon sizzling downstairs.


	5. Chapter 5

She had decided to take the bus to church, because it sounded much safer than being driven by her dads. The last thing she heard before she sprinted out the door was something about how they wanted an 'door-open policy' whenever she, _Quinn Fabray_, decided to stay over.

Ugh. Like she'd ever want to be the hot, deranged lunatic_ she _was. Scratch the 'hot' part.

After the night she had just had, she wouldn't need much more to tip her right off the edge of insanity.

Rachel sighed in exasperation as she stepped up into the bus, realising she had forgotten to bring money. Again.

"I'm sorry it appears I've forgotten my mo-"

The man grinned at her and scratched his head.

"Haven't I seen you someplace before, miss?

Oh _no_. It was that perverted_ weirdo_ from yesterday! Rachel gulped and tried to turn around and leap out onto the sidewalk, but the doors closed in her face. _Ouch._

"Where'll it be this time?"

She hesitantly took a seat in the front and avoided eye contact at all costs. This was _all _Quinn's fault! If she hadn't told her dads they were going out (absolutely _ridiculous!_) then she could have just asked _them _to drive her without any awkward discussions revolving around intimate relations!_  
_

"I uh, need to get to church-would you be able to take me to behind Lima plaza?"

The bus-driver looked surprised, but nodded and pressed down on the accelerator.

"Church, hey? Well I'll be. You tell them about it in confession yet? It's a hard time, I know. My daughter went through the same thing."

Rachel blinked a few times.

"What?"

The bus pulled over to the side of the kerb, the church in full view now. Weirdo turned to face her and put a hand on her shoulder before she alighted from the vehicle.

"It's ok, God accepts you for who you are. Never forget that."

She nodded slowly, and then walked away from that bus very, _very _quickly.

Somehow, this whole body-swapping thing had blown into this _huge _mess. Rachel had contacted Quinn's parents to let them know she'd be staying over a friend's house, to which they replied, "Make sure you get bacon on the way back".

Was the _WHOLE_ Fabray family addicted to bacon!?

And for the first time, spending the night in her own bedroom had been painful.

Quinn had somehow _convinced _her to sleep in the same bed, and had denied it anytime Rachel accused her of trying to spoon her. And the attempts at spooning had, to Rachel's... dismay? occurred not once, but _multiple _times.

Lying, cheating, sneaky _FEMINISTS_!

She had awoken to Quinn kissing her neck, and playing with the buttons of her shirt.

If she was absolutely honest with herself, an eensy-weensy, teeny-_weeny _part of her just _might _have enjoyed that.

"I ABSTAIN!"

She shook her head, trying to snap out of the memory.

In true Rachel Berry style, she had decided that the best way to tackle this whole body-swap situation was if they both treated it as a glee assignment that required them to get into character in order to pull off a more convincing performance of a song.

Lucky for her, getting into character was something Rachel had quite a bit of experience in doing. She _had_ once donned that skimpy school girl outfit in order to be faithful to Britney Spears' rather 'fleshy' video clip of 'Baby One More Time'.

So she had insisted that she and Quinn do their utmost in training themselves on how to be more like each other. Unfortunately, as she had expected, Quinn was being less than cooperative and time had run out.

Now she stood here, just behind the door to the church. Sighing, she pushed the double doors open and trudged through, and silently made her way to where the Fabray parents were sitting.

''Bacon Quinn Fabray,'' Russell's voice demanded harshly, ''Being late for church is unacceptable. And for that, we're banning you from bacon for one whole week.''

Judy nodded in agreement and returned her gaze to the pastor, who was delivering the morning sermon and failed to see the horrified expression on their daughter's face. Well, Rachel's face. Obsession was one thing, but _this _was just going _too_ far.

* * *

''Pass the bacon, Daddy.''

Quinn chirped happily, and Hiram broke out into a playful grin.

''You know, Rachy-wachy, I think I like this new-you. You're direct and don't hold back.''

Leroy nodded in agreement.

''But on this one occasion, I think I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request.''

Quinn's attention whipped over to Hiram's face.

Did she just hear what she thought she heard?

Was Hiram Berry challenging _her, _Quinn Fabray-television-quoting-master-of-all-time_?_

Why yes, it appeared he was!

She pouted and feigned irritation before she flashed her teeth sincerely.

Leroy Berry, you're going _doooooown!_

''Very well then,'' She said, picking up one of the fancy forks the Berry's ate their breakfast with, ''I'll drop it.''

''You think that bit of shine matters to _us_, Miss Swan?''

Quinn amped up the drama and let desperation flood her voice-

''But it's what you've been searching for! I recognised the ship! I saw it eight years ago from a pig farm near the coast of Ohio!''

''Did ya, now?''

Quinn huffed.

''Fine, well I suppose if it's not worth as much as bacon then there's no point in me keeping it.''

''No!''

Hiram's arm shot out to grab the fork to prevent it from falling in the imaginary sea below, and quickly speared it through a succulent bacon roll. Quinn eyed it hungrily, momentarily wondering whether her...lust dare she say? For this foodstuff was greater than her desire for that sexy vegan who was probably on her way home now. _Mmmm, Rachel._

* * *

It had taken one hour, two slaps on the face to three lecherous elderly men (one had apparently been 'sleeping' when he groped her on the footpath), and four excuses to get away from the Fabrays, who were quickly turning out to be the strangest people Rachel had met in her life. Because...well it just _wasn't _normal to forget the name of your own child and substitute it with dead pig meat! Psychos!

But she had made it, all the way to her front doorstep, out of breath and full of indignation for the girl behind those doors. Rachel _swore _to herself that if just _one _more thing went wrong then she'd-

Wait. Was that...no, it couldn't be.

''Why is the rum gone?''

That _voice! _That gasp-inducing, breathtakingly seductive _voice!_

And then! The unmistakable scent of carcasses-swimming through the keyhole, blasting poor Rachel in the face, and forcing her to grip the door like a life buoy. Did they think they could beat the vegan-ness out of her by doing this? Shaking with rage, she ripped her keys from her bag and rammed them into the keyhole.

''One, because it is a _vile _drink that turns even the most _respectable _men into complete scoundrels,''

Rachel clenched her teeth. _Leroy!_ You _traitor_!

Nobody heard the door creak open, or the loud thumping of angry footsteps drawing nearer, because they were too engrossed in their quoting marathon.

''And _two, _this bacon is worth over a thousand doubloons-and the entire royal navy is out looking for me. Do you honestly think they won't see it?''

''But..._why _is the rum gone!?''

Quinn finished, and they all burst out into frenzied laughter, Leroy whooping the loudest and slapping his thighs because he couldn't take it, until his eyes darted over to the madwoman behind his daughter.

''Pardon me, Cap'n, but I do believe someone may be here to see you.''

Quinn whipped her head around with delighted eyes and squealed.

''Annamaria!''

SLAP.

Rachel was seething, charging up like a raging bull that was good-to-go for a stampede, possibly amongst hyenas and the like.

''I may have deserved that one.''

Quinn mumbled apologetically, soothing her red cheek. Rachel leaned in close to her ear and whispered quietly, _hating _the fact that her tone sounded so bloody sensual. Blame it on Quinn's excitement-_ugh_-to see her.

''Upstairs. You. Me. _Now._''

A wicked smirk and mischievous glint in Quinn's eye spelt serious trouble, and Rachel tried hard to quash her fears but-

''I thought you'd _never _ask.''

DAMMIT SHE WAS PURRING LIKE A DAMN CAT!

Quinn effortlessly lifted Rachel into her arms and bounded up the stairs, her craziness growing more infectious by the second because Rachel was actually...well she was loving it!

Whoooooa, _WHAT?_

Rachel forced her eyes open and stifled her smile at being flung onto her own bed just in time to see Quinn lunge towards her and sieze her mouth, quite passionately at that.

''Quinn-''

She spurted, but Quinn kept silencing her with those hot kisses that just burned her lips, and that wet tongue that kept licking her mercilessly.

_Haha, you LIKE this! Admit it!_

**_Shut UP, brain. I'm not falling for your tricks! I so absolutely and utterly looooathe this and I'm going to request that Quinn removes her body from this current position so I can properly punish her for her actions!_**

_'Punish', hey? You mean you wanna straddle her instead? Rachel Berry! I never thought you were the type!_

**_I'm no-WHAT? M-Me, t-tackle Quinn like that? What do you THINK I am, some kinda-oooooh God she's kissing my neck!_**

_Yes I do think, that you, Rachel Barbra Berry, are a hard, core-_

**_Don't say it!_**

_FEMINIST!_

''I'm not a feminist!''

Rachel shouted into Quinn's hair, which only served to elicit a moan from Quinn, that caused Rachel to shudder uncontrollably, that invited Quinn's hands to roam down right down Rachel's back and start smoothing over places that are probably too inappropriate to mention here.

''_Ooooh,_'' Quinn whispered huskily between kisses, ''Say it again!''

And by that point, Rachel had totally lost it.

She pushed Quinn over and rolled on top of her, placing soft kisses across her collarbone, wet sucking-type kisses up the side of her neck, and hungry ones on her lips. She finally understood Puck now, and what a way to reach his mentality! Golly gosh, kissing Quinn-well, Quinn in her body-should have felt so damn awkward long, long ago but, somehow she just couldn't find it in herself to care! She dipped her tongue into Quinn's mouth, tasting the sweet and savoury flavour of-

''BACON!''

Rachel screamed in terror as she catapaulted backwards, cringing on the floor.

Quinn stared at her, not a hint of guilt colouring her expression. She grinned, and then Rachel suddenly remembered how angry she was just a few minutes earlier.

''Quinn! You ate _bacon _once again despite the fact that I voiced my opinions on animal cruelty not to mention the effect it will have on my body considering I've been vegan for so long and-''

Quinn had slithered her way over and pressed a gentle finger to Rachel's lips.

''Shh, I'm not going anywhere, Rachy-wachy. You can tell me nice and slow.''

Rachel felt the fingers dislodge and she exhaled deeply, calmed somewhat by Quinn's uncharacteristically kind gesture of kindness. She looked at her and was met with honest hazel eyes regarding her with compassion.

_Compassion? Reaaally, Rachel? You know very well that she just wants se-_

**_AHEM!_**

_-x, and you obviously want the same thing!_

''O-Okay,'' Rachel said, faltering a bit, ''Quinn, as long as you're in my body will you _please _do me the great and honourable favour of abstaining from at _least _me-''

''I'll go vegan for you.''

''-at prod-you...you'll what?''

Rachel stilled, eyes widening.

Quinn leaned in to press a soft kiss on Rachel's red puffy cheeks.

''Anything to make you happy, munchkin.''

Quinn was smiling at her and somehow Rachel had this big idiotic clown face on, and she just couldn't help it.

''But...but Quinn, are you _sure? _I mean you absolutely can't _live _without the most trans-fat laden animal by-product of them all and apparently neither can your parents,'' Rachel shivered at the thought of Russell and Judy's bright gleaming eyes when they had mentioned _that _word, ''and, well, you were quoting Pirates of the Caribbean down there with b-bacon references!''

Quinn nodded nonchalantly, examining her nails.

''I guess I can comprimise.''

She winked, turning back to Rachel, who had a slight frown on her face now.

''Compromise?''

Quinn's hand landed softly on Rachel's thigh.

''Yeah! For instance, tonight babe, we can stay up late, swapping womanly stories-''

Rachel didn't like where this was going.

''-and in the morning? We're having se-''

SLAP.

* * *

Gee whiz my face hurts, that sex-goddess next to me sure knows how to pack a punch. To be quite honest, I don't understand why she just can't get past her insecurities so we can give in to our carnal desires _but_...to each their own I guess.

But this just isn't _fair! _I'm not even allowed to touch her now and she's like, a strip of bacon away from me! And as _if _she doesn't find me hotter now that she knows I can impersonate Johnny Depp!

_Quinn struggled with herself that night, sighing discontentedly because she had definitely made it to second base but then Rachel had just blown her off. Just like that. Goodness girls were so confusin-_

''Yeah, tell me about it.''

_Quinn agreed, with no-one in particular, and leaned further away from Rachel to stifle the temptation to just ravish he-_

''Hey! I don't want to lean _away! _I wanna...cuddle!''

_Don't argue with the story-teller, Miss Fabray!_

''But can't you just let me ravish her!?''

_No! Rachel's trying to sleep and you both have school tomorrow!_

_Quinn fought to calm her wild racing thoughts, finally realising that having an education was in fact very important in order to-_

''Just one touch?''

_-to GET IN TO A RESPECTABLE UNIVERSITY AND SECURE ONE'S CAREE-_

''_Mmmm _her shoulders look sooo smooth!''

_Alright Quinn, if you don't stop with these lustful thoughts I'm going to make you _fall asleep!

''NOOOOO! I...could you just give us some smut time? Like before sleep smut?''

_WHAT!? This story is rated T for a reason! And that's the way readers want it! If I include any heavy petting scenes then people might be turned away!_

_Quinn grumpily buried her head below the covers._

''Well you could always just change the rating.''


	6. Chapter 6

After a good night's sleep that didn't involve (thank _goodness_) Quinn feeling her up, Rachel woke bright and early to the sound of don't rain on my parade blaring from her phone. Perfect. It was 6am, and everything at school today would go swimmingl-

"ARRRRRGH!"

Rachel jerked back on reflex when she realised Quinn (aka impostor Rachel) was just centimetres from her face, eyeing her hungrily.

"W-W-What are you doing!? You scared the living daylights out of me!"

Quinn smiled bashfully, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I like watching you sleep. It's um...it's kinda fascinating to me."

Rachel's eyes shrank.

"STALKER! STALKER! STALKER! STALKER! STALKER!"

"Woah, geez," Quinn said, backing down, "I thought that was...romantic. Guess I'm watching the wrong kind of films-okay okay, how about this- Rachy-wachy? I am your father. Oops, um- you _complete _me."

Rachel hated the fact that Quinn's words immediately calmed her down, but dammit, they did. And she couldn't resist feeling a _tiny_ bit sorry for Quinn when she looked at her with that sad, hopeful face. This couldn't possibly be a trick! Even feminists weren't _that _good at faking things, right? And before she could help it, the words flew right out of her mouth:

"Do you really mean that, Quinn?"

Quinn perked up instantly, and latched her hands onto Rachel's arms smoothly as she shot her an earnest look.

"Is this the face of a bat who would lie to you?"

Rachel giggled, and didn't realise she was blushing. She also didn't realise, that Quinn had crept towards her again, and that her hands had slid over her cheeks. They felt warm, and soft, and _oh _when Quinn gently stroked her like that it was maddening and-

"Hold on, are you implying that I'm _Rasputin_? A Russian _monk_? Quinn I can't believe you actua-"

"Mmm yes, I am. You're _definitely _Russia's greatest love machine."

Rachel stilled completely and that was all that Quinn needed to capture her mouth with her lips, moving so tenderly and heatedly that Rachel didn't even think when she pulled Quinn into her and let her tongue taste Quinn's mouth in return. Quinn might well have been a feminist. And heck, she might have even been trying to recruit members for their radical underground movement but-if she kept kissing her like _that, _oh my, oh goodness me oh my-

"_Magnesium...Aluminium...Si-Silicon...Pho-"_

Rachel reluctantly pulled back to make sure she wasn't just hearing things.

"Um...Quinn, were you just-"

Quinn pushed Rachel back down into the bed sheets with fervor, and Rachel tried very hard not to get thrilled by the way Quinn's hair was splayed across her bare shoulder and tingled each inch of skin it touched.

"Mmmm..." Quinn breathed, pressing scorching kisses along Rachel's jaw line, "So yummy..._S-Sulfur...Chlorine...Agggggron-_"

"QUINN! Oh my God, you were totally just reciting the periodic table! The elements, oh my God, please don't tell me you have a secret elemental fetish!"

Rachel felt like an idiot for asking, but surely she really _was _just hearing things.

"Um...I recite the periodic table when...I...I use it instead of 'mailman'." Quinn said through laboured breaths.

It was about that moment when Rachel went ballistic.

"YOU PSYCHO! YOU CHEAT WITH THE _ELEMENTS _WHEN WE EXCHANGE SALIVA! WHO IN BARBRA'S NAME EVEN _DOES _THAT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! GET OUT OF MY ROOM, NOW! I FEEL VIOLATED."

"Oooh yes, badass!Rachel is my favourite!"

"What!? Why did you put an exclamation after 'badass'!?"

"It's a fanfic conven-"

"On second thoughts, I don't want to know. You've sufficiently weirded me out for one lifetime so please leave my room as I would like to get dressed for school. And for your information," Rachel added angrily, "It's _Argon, _not _Agron._"

"Whatever you say, baby."

Quinn said with a wink as she closed the door.

Rachel hoped, and she really and truly hoped from the bottom of her heart, that this wasn't some omen of bad things to come for the day. She was furious, and right now she needed something to calm her down.

And nothing calmed Rachel down more than waking up to texts. Nice, care-free, _Quinn_-free text messages. She proceeded to switch on her phone, and almost had a heart attack when she read the only unopened message in her inbox, after which she proceeded to read several other texts which appeared to have been sent without her authorisation.

**Oh my God Rach, are you serious? Are you and Quinn like, an item? How could you do this to me! _I _was supposed to be dating her! You broke the bro-code man, that is so not cool. We need to talk. See you at glee.**

"QUIIIIIIIIIIN!"

And somewhere downstairs, she _swore _she could hear her chuckling.

* * *

At last, they had reached the comforting corridors of McKinley High, and everything would go back to normal. All they had to do was stay true to their character, and not say or do anything stupid that perceptive people like Santana would pick up on.

"Yo Q. What's with the terrified expression on your face? Are you hiding something and hoping that I'm not perceptive enough to pick up on it?"

Crap, Rachel thought to herself. She had to play it cool.

"Yooo S, I'm just slightly concerned about cheerleading practice this afternoon. Coach Sylvester has been extremely unrelenting as of late, and I believe that it may be negatively impacting my academic performance."

Santana did a double-take before scratching her head so hard a few tufts of hair came out.

"Whoa, what the hell did you do over the weekend? Become RuPaul!?"

Rachel coughed loudly and Santana whacked her on the back for moral support.

"You alright? You're as pale as a ghost. Maybe you should go to the sickbay or something."

"N-No thank you, S, I'll just be on my way to English class now. I really must focus on my grades more."

Rachel did a mental facepalm before she grabbed Quinn's books, and hurried off to English, leaving a dazed Santana in her wake.

* * *

Quinn, for the record, wasn't faring much better. It had only been 5 minutes in glee club and she had already become the centre of attention.

"Why is it such a huge problem if I don't feel like competing?"

Again, everyone turned to look at her as if she had grown a third eye.

"You, and I quote, 'don't feel like _competing_'? Rachel honey, are you feeling alright?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah," Quinn continued, "This club is a joke anyway. I'm off to go and find Rachel."

And so Quinn ignored the looks of utter bewilderment that everyone gave her, especially Finn.

"I don't get it. I thought Rachel was dating Quinn. But she's going to look for herself?"

Unfortunately, by ignoring everyone she also didn't notice how Brittany seemed to be eyeing her with rapt attention instead of talking to Santana about Lord T's newest theories in quantum physics.

She strolled down the corridor with ease, but became distracted with a crack in the wall. Quinn had always been the curious type since she was a little girl, so she couldn't exactly say no when an opportunity like this presented itself to her. With one swift uppercut to the brick, the middle of the wall caved in, and as the dust cleared, her eyes centered on a single computer with a grey and blue program opened on the screen. The closer she got, the more visible the text became.

**Fanfiction . net| unleash your imagination**

Her eyes glistened savagely.

"Eureka." She whispered, as her eyes scrolled down the menu on the left, clicking words that called to her, and she eventually discovered a page entitled:

**Editing Story.**

"Well well," Quinn said smiling, "Looks like the rating _will_ be tweaked after all..."

* * *

It wasn't until lunchtime when the cat was _really_ let out of the bag.

A very nervous Rachel, Brittany, and Santana sat together at one table with their respective lunches, which were loaded with sausages, fried eggs, and a good heap of coleslaw. Rachel gulped.

"Q! Quit fidgeting! You've been acting weird all day!"

"San, don't be mean. She's probably just going through a hard time. But..."

Rachel looked up at her, nerves on the edge now.

"I do get this weird vibe from her...like...like she's trying to conceal something only perceptive people would pick up on."

Rachel gulped again, and Brittany's eyes widened in understanding.

"You can't eat that, can you?"

Impossible. There was absolutely no _way _that anyone could have figured it out.

Brittany nodded, and turned to Santana.

"I first noticed it with Quinn in glee club this morning."

"What do you mean, B?"

"Well," Brittany explained, "Did you notice how much like Quinn she was acting? And here we are with Quinn, who seems to be acting exactly like?"

"RuPaul..." Santana finished as her mouth opened in shock.

"This can only mean one thing. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, S?"

"I think I am, B."

"They've swapped bodies."

Santana and Brittany said in unison, and Rachel shrivelled in her seat.

"Don't worry Rachel, we'll help you find a way to undo it. But you're gonna have to tell us how all this happened. And by that I mean _everything._"

Rachel panicked. There were certain..._events _which had occurred in the past few days that she had sworn to carry with her to the grave. But when she noticed the glare in Santana's eyes, and the raspberry slushie which had magically materialised in her hand under the table, she decided there and then that frenemies were better than no friends at all. Especially if it meant getting her own bed back.

* * *

"So er..._Berry_. I hate to break your bubble, but I think Quinn's a _lesbian._ And she wants you." Santana concluded awkwardly as they made their way out of the lunch room.

"Oh no she's not," Rachel supplied quickly, because she was fully aware that Quinn was just a mighty old feminist, "She just owns an inordinate amount of flannel shirts and wife-beaters, books on women's rights and obscure music, and sometimes she kisses me and I li-"

Rachel went dead silent and felt her face flare up with heat.

"OH MY GOD, SHE'S A **_LeSbiANnn_!** A-And...and she has a crush on ME! I'm in her body...I'm in her _body_! Oh my! She's a rainbow warrior, a gay crusader! I kissed a girl and I_ liked_ it! Wait, no I didn't I just-"

"Whoa Berry, why're you pronouncing it all funky? It's just a word. And come on, you'll arouse much less suspicion towards your own sexuality if you just pronounce it like le-"

"My sexuality isn't suspicious!"

Brittany suppressed a giggle and watched on with keen interest. Wasn't her San doing a great job?

"Chill, you don't have to act like you don't want her too-"

"WHAT!"

Santana sighed deeply and turned away from Rachel for a moment so she could engage in one of her inner dialogues, which were usually in Spanish but remain in English due to the author's refusal to use google translate since that churns out ridiculous sentences.

_Santana, what do you expect from a girl with two dads?_

_Much, much more._

_I know, Santana, but this is Rachel Clueless Berry we're talking about._

_Right._

"Santana? Please step out of that monochrome lighting so I can speak with you? I most certainly do _not _have a crush on her!"

"Ok, but you're forgetting that Q has a paler skin complexion than you and it's easier to tell when you're blushing."

"B-But...But!"

"Nice try, dwarf, but you've practically got 'gay for fabray' tattooed all over your forehead." Santana informed her, and went on to mumble something about how things would have been so much easier that way when she wanted to ask Brittany to go out with her.

There was a crumbling sound nearby and a very excited 'Quinn' seemingly popped out of nowhere, her eyes widening even further with glee when she spotted 'Rachel'.

"Oh hey, S. B. I'm glad to hear my suspicions about Rachy-wachy wanting me back were correct all along." She turned to face Rachel who was blushing furiously. "Hey sexy lady."

Without a second thought, she swooped down onto Rachel's face and fused their lips together, kissing deeper and deeper, and allowing her arms to drag up Rachel's chest in order to put the 'M' rating into full swing. Santana joined Brittany and watched on with intrigue as her inner monologue geared up again.

_Santana, just look at them._

_I know, it's sickening, isn't it? 'Rachy-wachy'. Just ew._

_Tell me about it. No resistance whatsoever._

_Apparent lack of disgust in regards to gay advances._

_Wait-tilted posture!_

_Oh oh, passionate glazed eyes._

_Such a walking Mills & Boon!_

"Yeah, shame Puck's not here to join in on all the actio-"

"Someone mention my-oh holy mother of-I think I've just hit the jackpot!"

Rachel abruptly pulled her body backward, which was stuck like super-glue to Quinn's.

"Ah-it wasn't what it looked like!"

"But I have it on tape!" Squealed Jacob Ben Israel excitedly from the one o'clock shadows.

"Give me that, you _fiend_! First with the underwear and now _this_!"

"No way, Quinn, this is gold! Just imagine how much money I can make with this onlin-"

"I SAID HAND IT OVER, JEWFRO!"

Before Rachel could break his nikon with her bare hands, he bolted down the corridor like grease-lightning.

"Well babe," Quinn said as she pulled Rachel closer for another kiss, ignoring Puck's cat calls, "That was a bit racist."

"You don't get to tell _me _that, '_feminist_'!"

Quinn turned to Santana with a naughty smile.

"See S? I told you she wants me."


End file.
